Wednesday, April 15, 2009

3. Waiting.

I keep looking at the clock. Time is moving so slowly. I started counting down the minutes and seconds since 4PM. It is now 4:17 and it feels like an eternity has passed. I'm dying to get off of work; I need to see if L left another note.

Thanks lille abe!

The next 43 minutes will feel like torture. I can't wait any longer, I have to go; my need to see the next note is all I can think about. I won't get anything done in the next 41 minutes, so I decide to leave. The boss is gone, my other "boss" left, there are only two people here, it won't matter if I leave. I make up something, I don't even remember, something like I have an appointment-to-pick-up-my-friend-to-visit-in-the-hospital-at-the-police-station. Whatever, it gets me out the door. I race down to the bus stop. I pass the art gallery, the brick, the antique store, the brick, I'm getting so excited. I get to the abandoned shop and hold my breath with anticipation, I turn to look at the door....and?


I release the breath I was holding and feel disappointed. I feel let down. How could L do this to me? I'm rooting for L, I'm helping L, I'm supporting L and for L to just leave me hanging. I feel betrayed and wonder if L even deserves me as a supporter. I turn on my heels and cross my arms in a defiant stance. Then I realize that it was only yesterday that I noticed the note and I've already formed an attachment to L, it's a pseudo relationship because I have expectations of L.

What I don't realize at the time is L has been leaving notes for at least 2 inches now, were those inches achieved in months? years? And how long have I been at this stop? months; at least a year. Maybe I let L down. I've stood inches from these notes and never once have I seen them. I suddenly feel ashamed; ashamed for my noticing earlier, ashamed for being upset there's no new note.

Then I wonder how long the last note was up. Was it days? Weeks even? I think back and decide that it was fairly recent. It was raining for two days prior so the note would have gotten wet and then dried so the paper would look wrinkled. So maybe yesterday was a new note, or maybe I'm too early. 4:40. I was here at least forty minutes later yesterday. Then I get really excited because maybe I'll see L. Maybe L puts up the note at 5PM when the work day ends and people are out of the office, walking to the bus stop, waiting at the bus stop, getting on the bus at the bus stop and never noticing L's note.

Thanks amyliagrace!

I decide to wait.


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