Monday, April 13, 2009

1. Positive Help.

I catch the bus to and from work everyday. On the way home, my bus stop is along the side of a building, there is no shelter, no time schedule, nothing that indicates it's a stop. You could walk right past it; but there is a sign. It blends in and looks more like a temporary no parking sign and is often mistaken as such. Only a limited number of buses stop there and only in the latter part of the day too; even the people who ride these particular buses don't know about this stop, they think the first stop is two blocks ahead, around the corner. It's like this stop doesn't even exist except for the select few who know about it.

Everyday I come to the stop, casually lean against the brick wall and prop a foot up for added support. Everyday I come to the stop and I know exactly what I'm going to see: the corner business is an art gallery with big picture windows, but the glare makes it hard to see inside so I stopped trying, then it's a couple of feet of brick wall, then an antique store, then more brick, then a boarded up shop, then more brick, then a tailor, then more brick, then I don't know. My stop is somewhere around the antique store, the brick and the boarded up shop next to the tailor.

I know this block like the back of my hand.

Thanks bondidwhat!

I know that everyday of the week the antique store has their sandwich board advertising new finds in the middle of the side walk so I have to maneuver around it except on Wednesday, because on Wednesdays, they are closed. I also know that the tailor leaves his door open and gets upset if someone at the stop is smoking, then he give the smoker a death stare and slams his door. I also know that the boarded up shop has signs haphazardly stapled to the door and I also notice that the sign always looks brand new.

I notice the sign; but today I actually see the sign. I've always assumed the sign was a notice from the city or from the shop owner advising it's customers of the store's new location, so I never bother looking; today, something caught my eye. This is what the sign said:

"Please help. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. (I rolled my eyes, how cliched, but I kept reading) Please help support me as I take steps to become a better person. I know things will not happen overnight and I know the journey will be arduous, but I also know that I can do it. I can do it if I know there are people out there who support me. I may not know you personally, and maybe I never will, but knowing that people are cheering me on, giving me well wishes, and have me in their thoughts and prayers will help.

If you read my previous messages, you know that I am in a very bad place in my life. I may have serious mental problems that may need professional help,
(so this IS a crazy!) but I think I can change on my own because this time it's absolutely necessary. I've realized what is important in my life and I am wiling to take the necessary steps to keep these things. I have spent too much of my life hurting the people that I love. I have spent too much time testing the people I love. I haven't spent enough time loving the people I love. (actually, this person is staring to sound sane, honest...) This is a big task. I have decided to start small, with two simple things that I can do that will improve my overall well being.

a) I will be positive. I will turn any negative thought I have into a positive. I will try to see the positive in every situation. I will be positive

b) I will succeed at being positive.

I thank everyone for reading this and supporting me.


-L

I reread the note three times before I notice that there were more notes stapled haphazardly to the door. There was combined about two inches worth of notes. How long has L been reaching out for help? I stood there and read a couple more notes before my bus came and I had to go. I felt an uneasy chill as

Thanks xplan303ex!

I climbed onto the bus and caught a glimpse of L's note fluttering in the passing breeze. I didn't know what bothered me more, was it the fact that someone was leaving notes that were obviously a cry for help? Was it that I was oblivious of it for so long? How did I miss something that I saw everyday? Or was it the fact that L's cry for help and plead for support and desperate need to be better, to be positive, echoed my own cry, my own plead, my own: help me.

1 comments:

K said...

I was brought to tears by this (although, don't take it as a feat... lately, I've cried at everything.) I think that people are forgetting to stop, in the rush and go of life, and the crappy economy, and their depressors that life is still going. And sometimes, we have to be reminded.

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