Memory.

I don't want to say why I think my short term memory's shot, because that would open up a whole different can of worms that I'm not ready to talk about, but probably it's just because I'm getting older, a friend of mine told me that no matter how straight edged you are, you're short term memory will always go. Anyways, I used to have a good memory, my mom used to say, 'ask Shannon, she has a good memory.' except she doesn't say that anymore. I think I used to have a good memory because I practiced remembering things.

Thanks poe tatum!

This was before I got really cynical about life and all the crap that goes on in the world, but there used to be these moments that I just wanted to hang on to and remember forever and I thought that I would keep these memories for the rest of my life and some how it was meaningful. When I was growing up I went on a lot of trips and I would be so excited every time and I would have the best time on these trips; except when it was over I would get so sad that all the fun and good times were over that I would cry myself to sleep at night. So what I would do was rehash what I did on the trip the week before, for example if I left for a trip on Monday and came back on Sunday, the next Monday, I would think to myself, 'a week ago, I was getting ready to go to the airport,' and then midday I would be like, 'this time last week I was on a plane traveling to Los Angeles,' and then that evening, I would be like 'this time a week ago, we were getting to our hotel,' and stuff like that for the entire week after our the trip and even the week after that, and so on until the memory was so ingrained in my mind that I knew I would never forget it. Although by now I think I forgot all those memories that I tried so hard to preserve. I didn't practice just with trips, I also practiced with special occasions I had with my family. I think it was also the anticipation of something exciting that made the event all the more special and the memory worth capturing and immortalizing and saving for all eternity.

Thanks woodenship!

I saw the play Cats once, or maybe twice, but they sang a song about memories and how you can find the the meaning of what happiness is in a memory and I think that is what I was trying to do because those were the times that I was the happiest of happy and I wanted to feel that way forever. Although as I got older I got really jaded and tried to fake that feeling of utmost, euphoric happiness and to be honest, it wasn't the same. It wasn't as pure or as real as those childhood memories. Sometimes I think that maybe I'll never experience happiness like that ever again, or maybe if I ever have children I'll experience it through them because maybe only children can experience true happiness in it's purest form. But you know how I feel about children. Anyways, I decided that I should keep a journal that documents my everyday life, like not one of those journals that you write to reflect on the days events and what you learned and how you felt, but like actually cataloging what time I woke up and what I ate and what I was thinking while riding the bus...stuff like that, like everyday stuff. I don't know what good that will do.

Thanks ekler!

It's just something that I'm thinking about doing. Although, it seems like as I get older there's more things I don't want to remember than I do. Like I said maybe I'm just jaded. Or maybe I've grown up and I understand the importance of not living in the past and just enjoying the present. Except I tend to forget the present as soon as it happens.