Day One.

She got the job just like she knew she would and the worth that she waited for wasn't exactly what she expected, but she couldn't be too picky. Her boss asked when she could start and she told him that she needed two weeks to get her affairs in order even though she could have started right away. She didn't want to admit that she was scared and wanted to postpone starting a new job for as long as possible. But for two weeks she twiddled her thumbs and stressed herself out by second guessing her decision and almost convinced herself that she should decline the offer. Then before she knew it she was waking up to John in the morning on her radio at 7:30 and feeling a pit in her stomach because this was it. She tried to pick out an outfit the night before, but when she put it on she realized how unprofessional it looked. She did think about buying new clothes before she started but she didn't have the money to buy business casual clothes and her clunky shoes looked like a flash back to the nineties. She felt defeated before she even left the house but tired not to let it make her too self conscious.

She got to the bus stop and waited for ten minutes, feeling completely exposed the entire time as she stood out in the open, all alone, waiting; this was the one time she would admit that she wished someone was there for her to lean on. When the bus finally showed up she nodded to the driver and kept her head down and took the first open seat. She put her headphones on and glazed her eyes over so no one would see how nervous she was. If she could see herself sitting stiff and upright, clutching her bag to her chest and incessantly tapping her foot, she would have known that she was not pulling off the I'm-so-cool-I-don't-give-a-shit look, but she didn't know that, which was good because that thought alone gave her just enough confidence to mumble thank you to the driver when she got off the bus downtown.

Her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to make her way to her next bus stop. She still tried to maintain that she knew where she was going even though she couldn't remember which way the street numbers went and she looked left then right before deciding that the numbers increased left to right and she should go left to get to third because she was on 5th? Right? Her palms got sweaty when she remembered the last time she was alone downtown meeting a friend for lunch and her instructions were to go toward the shopping district but she actually walked away from the stores because her memory was foggy, she hoped her memory wouldn't fail her now. It didn't.

She knew she could catch one of three buses that would take her right outside her office and she got on the first one that came. She noticed that the people on this second bus were vastly different from the strictly commuters that rode with her into downtown. As the variety of people increased with each stop, so did the odor that hung in the air. She caught whiffs of alcohol and tobacco, garbage and homelessness; she was glad she took a seat close to the driver although on second thought, this driver's demeanor matched the passengers and she wondered if she should take her chances with the drunks in the back of the bus. She thought back to the last time she was taking this route and how she didn't seem to notice any of the vulgarity because he was with her. She thought briefly about what it would be like not to spend all day with him as they passed the time together of unemployed life.

When finally got to her building and stopped before going to the elevator. She wished she could call him and get some encouragement from the sound of his voice, but she knew it was too early and it would just go to voicemail. it took everything she and to press the elevator button and when she finally did, the doors opened and a body lay haplessly on the floor.