Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A Cancerous Religion.

Thanks daniel y. go!

I was 15 when my aunt passed away. She was the first person close to me who died and I didn't know how to deal with it, perhaps in the normal ways that people cope with their first loss, but in my egocentric mind, I felt, and I still believe to this day, that my struggles were unique.

I remember I was studying the Bible in my English class in school and I remember thinking that it was somehow against the rules. I mean I went to a public school for Christ sake! Were there not rule that separated church and state? My English teacher said she was not teaching us about the Bible but merely using the Good Book as a piece of literature to be studied and analyzed and close read just like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Catcher In The Rye and all those other novels we read. I remember thinking that was some how blasphemous but not really understanding why. I bought and read my first Bible that year, the same year my aunt died. I remember thinking there must be a reason or a connection for that but I never worked out a good reason without it sounding like a conspiracy theory. So perhaps it was just a coincidence.

I liked to think that I was a firm believer in science and facts and concrete evidence which organized religion didn't provide and I looked at devout believers as weak, lost souls who needed a crutch to lean on to get through life and I believed that I was stronger than that. But the longer I lived the more I realized that I was deficient in the basic decencies that most people learn about every Sunday in church, because of their religion, because they had a crutch, because they had a guide, that I never had and then I realized that perhaps there was something to this whole religion thing. But when I wad 15, in my twisted adolescent mind, I saw it as a curse that killed my aunt. It was actually the cancer that killed her but it all seemed the same to me, religion was a cancer that infected my life because once I let it in, it spread like wild fire consuming everything in it's path including my aunt who could not get out of way before destruction torched every inch of her body and soul and mine, my mind was forever tainted with death.


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