15. Name That Feeling.

Toby Steward adored Trevor in the unique way that little boys do as they form their first male bound when they discover another person who also thinks it's funny to put lizards in girls' shoes and roll with laughter when they hear shrieks and screams as tiny toes are intertwined with scaly bodies. But more than that, he was attracted to a quality in Trevor that he could not yet pinpoint but he knew that it was something desired. Being around Trevor made Toby feel like he was a part of something bigger than what was going on in the orphanage, being with Trevor meant you were important, admired, and above all else meaningful. Toby would later learn that it was confidence that Trevor displayed so naturally and effortlessly that it attracted people like himself who tended to be timid and modest, alone and looking for someone to hold onto to; something to belong to. And as it was, the orphanage was filled boys like Toby and they all flocked to Trevor, perhaps because he never outwardly showed his fear and insecurities about being discarded as a child yet he was sympathetic to their darkest pains and could identify the origin of their trepidations. No one would ever know that Trevor harbored the same anguish as everyone else because he knew how to bury his feelings and turn it into the confidence that gained him so many followers.

Why Trevor picked Toby Steward to be his sidekick was not obvious to outsiders, nor was it blatant to Trevor, but he saw something in Toby that he would later see in Jules Mitchell, his best friend in prep school, and Morgan Tam, his roommate in college, and his current girlfriend, Juliana Ernst. Like Toby, Trevor was unable to articulate what he saw his is new pal, but when he was able to easily convince Toby to set fire the dry brush in the school yard just to see how far the fire would spread and then when it ultimately burned down the entire orphanage and Trevor completely washed his hands clean of his involvement, Trevor understood just a little bit more that within Toby lay a weakness that he could manipulate for his own advantage. As he got older, Trevor continued to fine tune this ability, so by the time he met Juliana he had expertly cultivated a trait that he used with ease and grace, he did it so well in fact that he convinced even himself that he wasnt' doing anything wrong, although there was always a lingering weight on Trevor's shoulder that he couldn't quite place and although if you if could correctly identity the feeling, he would name it guilt.