11.

Melanie was suddenly alert when the topic of Seventeen's came up. She released her embrace from George and stared at Kenneth concerned, "Are you sure you want to go back there?"

Kenneth knew what Melanie was referring to and immediately regretted bringing up the topic. He steered clear of discussing his past with his new friends, but somehow, Melanie was able to coax it out of him, he felt comfortable sharing this part of himself with her because he had grown to trust her, but more than that, he knew she genuinely cared.

Seventeen's was an abandoned warehouse that was turned into an underground party space. Kenneth now thought back to how things got incredibly out of control, how something that started with his love and passion for music turned into an opportunity to make easy money then ultimately resulted in a confrontation with rival dealers, a bullet through Kenneth's shoulder, and a wound to his pride.

As Kenneth pondered on the friends he had and the pressures he succumbed to and his desire to feel important in whatever way he could, he never quite got around to the root of the cause which was to say that he needed to be a part of something, he needed to belong, he needed what he became more than his "friends" needed their fix. Kenneth and his crew were known for "owning" the club about a year ago when it went by the name of Pyramids. They were the dealers that pushed pills in this space and did their part to distort and corrupt the rave scene so when Kenneth went back for the first time in two years, he saw children who had grown up too fast trying desperately to recapture their youth and he finally understood the falsity he had veiled his eyes with just so he could belong and be accepted.

10.

"Hey dude," Kenneth said, snapping his fingers in front of George's face. "Still with us?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm just really stoned," George replied still daydreaming.

"Where were you just now George? Thinking about being at a rave? The way you're dressed tonight, looks like you'd fit right in?" Melanie joked sarcastically laughing at George's bright orange pants and pastel green baby tee shirt.

"Oh, nails girlfriend, I know you didn't just dis on the threads," George snapped putting a hand on his hip and throwing his head back with attitude. " Don't be hating just because I'm a man that knows how to dress, mmkay. And what about him?" George shifted his weight and turned towards Kenneth. " What snooty comment does little miss-thinks-she's-Joan-Rivers have to say about this stylish man over here? Always wearing the same khaki cargo pants and white t-shirt, look like the brother stepped out of a J Crew catalog, and you know anyone who shops there has taste."

"Hey, hey, hey, have you ever tried cargo pants?" Kenneth asked defensively. "They're hella comfortable and that's why I buy them all the time; ain't got nothing to do with taste, comforts the way to go." That was the standard line Kenneth gave when people commented on his khaki cargo pants and white t-shirt uniform, but in reality Kenneth didn't have a lot of clothes and although he really did find the cargo's comfortable, maybe they were comfortable because they weren't two sizes to small and actually fit.

"Boy, shoot, you might as well roll up in here with sweats if you wanna be comfortable and go for that I-just-got-out-of-bed-and-I'm-way-too-cool-to-look-decent look."

"Now boys, be nice," Melanie interjected reaching up to put her arm around her six foot six friend. "George you know I love you and your adore your style. And yours too Kenneth." Melanie wrapped the other arm around easily around Kenneth, resting her hand on his shoulder.

Kenneth, needing to change the subject offered, "Well, George, if you ever wanna check it out, I know this place called Seventeen's that used to throw a lot of parties. I haven't been there in awhile, but I'm sure it's still bumbin."

Kenneth started going to parties because he loved the music and he needed an outlet to forget about the hardships of his life. There was something about walking into a dark, smoky room with loud music that struck a chord in Kenneth down to the depths of his soul. He felt the bass reverberating throughout his entire body to the point where the beat consumed him and he was finally able to let go and when he did something so liberating happened to Kenneth that he was hooked. He let the music in and started moving effortlessly, the mixing of beats and rhythms made his feet criss and then cross and then pop, faster and faster and faster until he was moving with the crowd to form one liquid motion. Hebobbed his head down and bounced his head up towards the ceiling and he felt a connection that he had only dreamed of so he kept going back for more. But soon, the scene changed and the Kenneth changed with it because the music wasn't enough anymore, it became about those little pills, it was unreal, the thrills they yield, until they kill a million brain cells.

09.

George Christian was the restless type, it was in his blood; his mother was the same way. After five years of being a mother, she got bored and left George in the care of his grandmother while she went on a vacation; just to relax and take a break. Twelve years later, his mother was still on vacation. Now at the age of 17, George's only reminder of his mother comes in the form of a card on his birthday and Christmas. George never knew his father, but figured that his father got restless with his mother and went on a vacation to relax and never came back. George tried to ignore the subtle cruelty his grandmother displaced towards him because she was bitter and resentful at having to raise another child; but he couldn't. George tried to love himself, accept himself, and acknowledge who he was; but he never felt love or acceptance from anyone in his life, so how could he be expected to do that for himself?

It wasn't just that, physically there was a lot of George to love. He ad a hard time looking at himself in a mirror, his height literally surpassed the rectangular glass that hung in his room. With so much of himself, his presence announced himself before he would even walk into a room. He hated that the steady, heavy, thumps of his feet approaching was often mistaken for the the low rumbling of a bus coming miles away, or so he was told by his classmates. Later George would carry his six foot six inch frame with a pride so forceful he would initially come across as intimidating until he got closer and his kind eyes smiled at you in a way that only someone who always stuck out like a sore thumb and came to turns with himself could. But as a teenager, George still felt awkward and clumsy as he positioned himself in two door sports cars and said he was comfortable when he really wished he was behind the wheel of his Ford SUV. Yet for all of his qualms about his height and his built, he convoluted the mix by discovering his true self in a gay chat room at the age of 14 under the guise of the screen name, Dark Chocolate. At first he thought a gay chat room was funny because here was a place where he could laugh at other people for being different, but when SexyRexy started chatting with him and probing him with questions, George took a real hard look at himself and wondered if it wasn't his size that made people look twice at him, but something that George had yet to notice.

He took the plunge figuring he had nothing to lose, but what he didn't know was the curiosity that he finally indulged was his last link to his youthful innocence that was lost when after two months of chatting, he met SexyRexy in the back corner of a deserted parking lot where Dark Chocolate last his virginity in the bed of a beat up Ford pick up truck that George felt immediately comfortable in.

From that moment on, George embraced his sexual, but he also abused it and used it to define himself. He made gay being a fashion statement, a personality trait, a way of thinking, an excuse for being sexually promiscuous, a scapegoat for having unsafe group sex. George embraced being gay and basked in all his homosexual glory, he wanted to shout it from the roof tops, "I'm Black and I'm Proud. I'm Gay and I'm Proud." But it never crossed George's mind to stop being gay and just be George.

08.

Later that night the red Jetta pulled into an abandoned parking lot and when the doors opened, Kenneth, Melanie and George emerged followed by a thick cloud of smoke; and the doors closed the sound of upbeat electronic rhythms mixed with a deep bass that vibrated through the open windows from Melanie's newly installed car speakers.

"Awww, yeah, this music's dope," George said as he bobbed his head and started moving effortlessly.

"Yeeeah, George," Melanie applauded his amazing dancing abilities.

"This beat is so awesome. Ken what group is this?" George asked while pausing from his grove to light a cigarette.

"It's a mix I grabbed from the internet. It's an hour long live set from this one DJ, John Digweed who spins at a lot of parties in the UK," Kenneth said.

"Very cool," George said while popping his arms and shoulders to the music. "You know I've always wanted to go to a rave after seeing the bloodbath in Blade, you guys ever see it?"

"Ewwww, was that where everyone was dancing and blood was shooting out from the ceiling?" Melanie asked. "All that blood was disgusting."

"Ah, kiddo, you know that was all fake," Kenneth said putting his arm around Melanie reassuringly. Then to George, "It was that song that got to you, huh?"

"Yes! You know exactly what I'm talking about; the bass is throbbing through everyone and when the blood shoots down, they all dance as if they're praising the pure rapture of the music," George said in a trance like state.

"Whoa, dude, you sure you've never partied before," Kenneth asked.

"What like gone to a rave or rolled?"

"Well both, the way you talk about it," Kenneth said as he leaned towards George, "it seems like you know; like you know what you're talking about, as if you've been on that level before."

"Neither, but it sounds like a scene I'd totally be into, all those candy kids dressed in bright colors and crazy costumes, dancing all night long," George trailed off.

Kenneth nodded in agreement and turned to look at George seeing through him in a way that showed Kenneth that this was exactly the type of person that would be perfect for the scene. Sure George loved to dance and party, but more than that, he was lost, restless soul that needed a reason to keep going. Kenneth was about to give George that reason and offer him a place to call home.

07.

Kenneth walked up his driveway smiling to himself as he thought about Melanie's enthusiasm of seeing her entire family. Melanie always talked very highly of her family, with such respect and trust; love. It was in such a way that Kenneth appreciated and so naturally assumed was something he desired for himself, yet there was something innate in Kenneth that unconsciously rejected the open arms of a loving family, perhaps it was because he didn't understand want it meant to be a family and only had a vague sense of unconditional love and support because although it seemed that these emotions should be automatic, when Kenneth unlocked his front door the reality that he stepped into was one he fully understood: his family, his house, his life didn't resemble Melanie's because Kenneth didn't belong in the suburbs; he was meant for the streets.

He quickly made his way through the living room that didn't have the warmth of a space you could relax and gather in, rather had the feeling of a storage room for random furniture and unwanted boxes. Although Kenneth's stepfather bought this house for his new wife over a year ago, anyone who stepped foot in the door would think they just moved in. The only part of the house that was unpacked and set up was their own bedroom. Kenneth often wondered what his mother's room looked like; he was strictly forbidden to enter her room, not that he really cared to go in there, but even if he did, he couldn't because at the request of his stepfather, the master bedroom was to be locked at all times. Kenneth sometimes believed that his mother's room wasn't locked because his stepfather had a lot of valuables and expensive electronics, because of course Kenneth could be trusted, it simply was locked because their room looked like the rest of the house: a bunch of unopened boxes, because they didn't want Kenneth to to see their room yet because they didn't have time to set it up, because she was never home.

Kenneth's mother now had a new career as a secretary at his stepfather's law firm and they worked a lot of late nights, maybe finishing up a case? If that wasn't it, maybe they were drinking tea on the green of some country club or going out to fancy dinner, or so Kenneth thought. He actually had no idea what kept his mother out so late, but now at the age of 17, he knew better than to wait up for her. The only difference Kenneth could see from living in the suburbs versus the housing projects, was the home he always knew to be a dilapidated apartment was now an extravagant mansion that he still couldn't feel comfortable in. Only the outer appearance of his residence had change, but inside everything was the same: Kenneth was alone.

06.

"It's so nice to finally be able to sit down, Kenneth sighed while sinking into the plush seat of Melanie's car.

"You know what's even better," Melanie asked as she climbed into the drivers seat, "being done with work and having the next three days off!"

"What?! How did you swing that kiddo," Kenneth asked, "it's almost unheard of to get that many days off in a row." Kenneth's voice ached with a misplaced longing for whatever plans Melanie had, not so much because he didn't want to to work, on the contrary, he needed all the extra hours he could get, rather, he pined for any example that showed him life could be more than the bleak and dismal horizon he looked out onto every day and Melanie was the one person who showered rays of sunshine down on him.

"Well, in case you didn't know, I'm only like the best CEC employee ever," Melanie laughed while lightly tapping her steering wheel. "Seriously, though, my grandparents are flying in tomorrow morning so I requested time off while they're here."

"Ah, right, family time," Kenneth said in a slightly mocking tone that just barely hid his bitterness. Although he always joked about Melanie still having to be home for dinner at the age of 17, he secretly envied Melanie for having a family to go home to, and then as if to add insult to his already wounded heart, she had to add grandparents to the mix, a relation that Kenneth never knew.

"You know it, gots to have that family time; speaking of, I'm having an early dinner tonight with the fam, so I'm gonna have to just drop you off today, Melanie said.

"Oh Mel," Kenneth exclaimed holding his hand against his heart. "How can you do this to me? You're actually going to make me go home when evil stepfather may be lurking around? Melanie, I thought we were friends, but alas, you are showing me your true colors." Kenneth hemmed and hawed as he pleaded with his friend who gave him a knowing smile.

"Ken! Don't make me feel bad! You know I love you, it's just that my older brother Charlie came back home last night, so we're all going out to dinner. Besides, it'll only be for a couple of hours...you should call George, he's always down to hang and then when I'm done I'll meet up with you guys."

"So, now that your real brother is back, I'm not going to be your 'big bro' anymore?" Kenneth asked giving Melanie a pathetic look.

"Well as long as you still call me kiddo, you'll always be my big bro, you know that," Melanie answered reassuring that their affectionate nicknames were still solid.

"That's nice to hear, you're the closet thing to a family I got," Kenneth said as Melanie pulled up in front of his house. "Well thanks for the ride kiddo."

"Anytime, big bro."

05.

Kenneth waved back towards George before continuing on his way to the front door of Chuck E cheese, he couldn't help but replay Melanie's rant about parents in his head. He tried to remember if there ever was a time when he was seven and his mother tucked him into bed, but the longer he reached into the crevasses of his mind, he murkier his memories became and made him want to crawl into a corner and hide because all he could see was himself, all alone, wandering the streets well past 11 PM with the other kids from his housing project whose parents were working the graveyard shift or more often than not, simply didn't care. Kenneth wondered where his mother was at night, especially when he woke up in the morning after sleeping on the couch waiting for her to come home, only to find that she still wasn't there. It wasn't until later that Kenneth learned his mother was actually spending most of her nights with a man that would soon become his step-dad; some rich, obnoxious lawyer that would scream to late night viewers that if you were driving without insurance and caused an accident which you subsequently got injured in then he was the one you should call, he was the man that could get you off. His arrogance and smooth talk promised Kenneth's mother, his special "waitress" at the strip club he most frequented that he would rescue her from a degrading life where you sell a cheap image to a life where you could buy the most expensive image you want. It was a true Cinderella fairy tale for an 18 year old girl who fell in love too fast, got married even faster, and was divorced by the time she was 20. Somewhere in those tow years Kenneth was conceived, but became a constant reminder to his mother that love can sometimes turn into extreme hate.