Caprica.

And so the novel begins...

They named me Caprica, and no my name is not influence by Greek mythology although I wish it was because that would have been a lot better than what I was actually name after: a television sequel to Battlestar Galactica, a sci-fi show that was popular among a subset of the population in the late 2000's, which was actually a remake of a less successful version of the show that aired almost 20 years before, ancient right? I know, I know, but these are my parents we're talking about so what do you expect? And if you know me, which I'm sure some of you do, you will know that my parents were close to ancient when they had me. I guess you could say that in that way I am lucky to be alive and my parents were equally as lucky to be living during the advent of modern medicine, and I say advent because if they knew what medicine is capable of today, how it shames cloning and stem cells and all the Mickey Mouse stuff they did back then, they would know that in vitro fertilization and having a healthy baby at 65 wasn't so amazing at all. But like I said this was a long time ago and back then 65 was the new 45 and everyone waited til they were 45 to have babies, so instead of being a fantasy in my mother's late to start ticking biological day dreams, I became a real live human being!

The Madness Begins.

I'm doing something crazy this month. I'm trying to write a novel, a 50,000 word novel by November 30th. Maybe some of you heard of it NaNoWriMo?? I'm doing this completely blind, I have no outline, no character sketches, no planned story lines, no plot ideas, I'm basically making it up as I go along and doing most of it on my iPhone during my commute. Thus far, it's a pretty interesting experience and it's only day three!

To my loyal readers, I thank you, as always, for reading my blog because I know it takes time to get invested in a story, and once again, who's inceptions was the brain child of the Fabulous Margarita aka FabBrunette during a 20sb blog swap we did back in July, (who may I add, is also taking on the NaNoWriMo challenge) will once again be put on hold as I attempt the (im)possible of writing a novel in a month.

I will post my story here if anyone is interested. Thanks for reading.

16.

As Kenneth plunged deeper into his roll and the drug took over his entire body, he because the person he swore he'd never be again; he was that person lying on the floor with his eyes towards the ceiling completely unaware that his body was violently twitching and his hand was extended up towards a metal bar that he clutched with all his might in a futile attempt to pull himself up, he was unconsciously grinding his teeth away and then his eyes rolled back into his head. Kenneth lay limp on the ground at the peak of his roll in the dark corner of an abandoned warehouse, all around him people were devoting their dance to the music and flashes of green light occasionally brightened the room and if you looked close enough, you could see Kenneth's body and there was a smile on his face. Kenneth was in complete and total ecstasy, he felt that he belonged, he finally felt comfortable, finally felt accepted: he was home.

the end.

15.

Kenneth longed to feel that again and while he knew the drug created the false illusion of connecting with people, it was the entire atmosphere and energy that Kenneth pined for. He was tired of being alone and decided it would be worth giving up his sobriety to be able to experience that one more time.

If Kenneth ever once stopped to look around at the new life he was building for himself and stopped trying to relive the past and uncover a feeling that was never there to begin with, he would have seen that everything he wanted was right in front of him with Melanie and George and the honest albeit lowly wages he was earning. But Kenneth never had anything in his life that he could count on because once he started believing that things could change for, he would get a rude awakening and because of this, he missed Melanie's outstretched hand trying so desperately to save him.

Walking into Seventeen's again made Kenneth feel back in his element. All around him he heard familiar voices asking, "Are you rolling? Do you want a light show?" But when he turned to look, it was a face he had never seen before. Yet it only took a second for Kenneth to be surrounded by people that suddenly felt like his closest friends. All around him people were piling onto the floor with him retarding their vision trying to focus on the microlights that left traces of blue lines everywhere it went. Kenneth tried to focus but couldn't keep up with the lines whipping around his head. His whole body started spinning as his eyes tried to look up and follow the light.

14.

Kenneth did not see Melanie for four days, whether it was on purpose because Kenneth felt guilty about his increasing desire to get back into the scene and knew Melanie would disapprove or if it just happened, would be a question that Kenneth's actions would answer as he found himself actively seeking the company of George. He knew it would just take a little prodding to entice George's budding interest and he began feeling a hint of excitement as his nights turn from the red Jetta to sitting in front of his house in George's dark blue SUV talking about raves and music. Had Kenneth known that these innocent conversations with his friend would lead George down a path of destruction, that for George this would be his gateway to a dark life, that his friends would never know the real truth about, and ultimately end with his untimely death, Kenneth may have thought twice about introducing this devious lifestyle to George, but at the time Kenneth was trying to fill a void in his own life and thought he was helping George find his place as well.

Although it was over a year since Kenneth indulged himself, the idea of doing it again tempted him more than anything and constantly consumed his thoughts. To Kenneth, it was the only time in his life when he felt that he matter to other people in a world that usually paid no attention to him. In that world, everyone mattered and Kenneth was welcomed by the open arms of a stranger that he immediately felt close to, a person he could confide in and expose his true self without fear of being judged for not having money or a family. He was able to find common ground with the one person he always thought was better than him and he was humbled. In that world, Kenneth was able to release his inhibitions and for the first time in his life he understood what it felt like to be love, then Kenneth saw that it was easy to fall in love with living and with himself when he had people that really, truly cared for him. It was in this environment that Kenneth saw that there was a flip side to the real, cold, callous world he grew up in and it gave him hope.

13.

That night Kenneth could not fall asleep. Although this wasn't unusual, but this time it wasn't because he couldn't find a comfortable position on his bed, if you could call a sheet on the ground a bed. Kenneth recently discovered that he could fold his comforter in half and put the sheet over it to make the ground softer and then he could fall asleep, but tonight it didn't work. He tried folding up a towel to use as a pillow. As he lay staring at the ceiling with his neck unnaturally propped up, he considered smoking a cigarette, or maybe a joint, or maybe a joint and then a cig or maybe he should just close his eyes and try to sleep; but he couldn't, something was bothering him. But what? Kenneth decided to put on some music. He made his laptop, a gratuitous gift from his stepfather, and knelt down at the cardboard box that served as his desk. As Kenneth looked through the thousands of songs that he downloaded, he realized that 742 of his songs were filed in a folder labeled 'Seventeen's' and then something clicked and Kenneth knew what was bothering him.

12.

The red Jetta was parked in front of Kenneth's house; two silhouettes filled the front seat, the tinted windows were halfway open and thin stream of smoke wafted out.

"Kenneth, do you really want to get back into all that...you know stuff," Melanie asked, "I mean from what you've told me, it seems like that was a time of your life that you wanted to put behind you. It was nothing but trouble if you ask me, and you're doing really well right now." Melanie put her hand comfortingly on Kenneth's arm.

Kenneth felt his insides melt as Melanie's hand gently stroked his arm. He immediately felt guilty about the surge of emotion he felt towards Melanie in that moment and tried to bury the attraction he was starting to feel towards her. Had Kenneth correctly identified Melanie's intent with that touch he would have understood that she was letting him know that he could finally put the past behind him because she was someone who accept who he was, unconditionally. But Kenneth, would never know that because he said,

"I appreciate your concern kiddo, and I wouldn't be going back there to slang, I'm done dealing, but sometimes I miss the scene and the people, the mutual respect and trust, the love everyone has for each other, even sometimes from a complete stranger, it's nice to have that, and that's the only reason why I would even consider going back."

Melanie moved her hand from Kenneth's arm and placed it back in her lap. She shifted her body so she was looking out the window. It seemed to her that after all this time Kenneth still didn't get it. Here she was offering her friendship, a real connection with a person who actually cared and still Kenneth wanted to seek out a bond and the illusion of trust and love from people in a drug induced state. Melanie took a long drag of her cigarette and blew out the smoke in the shape of O's wondering how to get through to Kenneth before he did something he would regret.